Wathoutnow!!!

October 7, 2010

“Moe Banannas!!!
Moe Banannas!!!
Moe Banannas!!!”

Grannie Toad kept religiously chanting….

I DID NOT want to open my eyes….as I lay prone in front of her rusting old school bus …home to the 3 of us…on a bluff above the Watchoutnow River…

I could feel the gravel embedded in my face…tattooing last night’s inebriation….

My left eye came unglued…… OPENED……

all I could see…. was the worn out deflated front tire……

“ The BEAT ..BEAT…BEAT of the TOM Tom..”

my RIGHT EYE Flashed OPEN to behold sister Laid EEE’s scuffed white cowboy faded fringed boots…bits of chicken bits dangling from her lips…… singing…of all things a Noel Coward song…….practicing her baton twirling…

I ALWAYS KNEW she was CRAZY….ever since my first burp…

“Laid EEE…why in the fuck did you allow me to sleep on this gravel patch????”

“I didn’t want to wake you..as you seemed so Happy..”

“Yeah…sleeping on the comforter of gravel always brings a warm smile to my face……

Why don’t you take your baton out into the wheat fields….as the tree limbs around here….in Grannie Toad’s ‘forecourt’ …must inhibit your toss…..and I m sure the squirrels would love you to stop knocking them outta the trees…

n I’m tired of Squirrel Stew every night…”

“Oh FUCK you Robb EEE…take your dried out Lizard Lips…. your “height challenged” body…and go SUCK on the dried up inspirtation of your meaningless life…”

whereupon she turned and marched proudly out

…wearing an old vagina ..fuck me length Cowgirl-fringed dress of Mother’s ..

into the Watchoutnow wheat fields …before I had a chance to belt the shit out of her….

I had always HATED and LOVED Laid EEE

“Moe Banannas
Moe Banannas
Moe Bannas…”

“SHIT…..

Grannie Toad..don’t you remember ANY Nolet chants….

I KNOW those were the only words of English you learned when you were imprisoned by the Chinese all those years ago..ENGLISH can be Soo GRATING……..but the whispering Nolet prayers are so soft and soothing…… ”

I unloosened myself from my love relationship with the gravel….and staggered up to my FULL “height challenged” self…

stumbled in through the creaking, child abused, bus’s defunct door…

Grannie Toad was cooking flap jacks … a dash of squirrel grease ….in her reconverted popcorn popper…(well you could only cook one flap at a time)….

she was wearing one of those God Awful hospital gowns she stole from the Watchoutnow Hospital….the kind with NO back….

so my first vision in the morning was of her …

well, ASS…

the LAST thing I want to view…..EVER!!!

“Hey Gran…can I help you????”

“Robb EEE…I hope you had a good sleep…I REALLY do NOT know WHY you drink like your grandfather….I am NOT one to lecture…but look what happened to him…

POOF…

he disappeared….maybe that is what you want….”

“Gran…NO….I just don’t know what I want ……

I don’t want to disappear….it is just that I am listless …and nothing makes any sense…..has any meaning …..which I desperately want…..I mean…WHY did mother leave…and WHAT really happened to grandfather….if he EVEN was really my grandfather…??”

“Robb EEE go down to the Watchoutnow River…….sit on the bank…..find a rock above water in the middle of the rapids……

STARE at it…stare at it…stare at it….KEEP staring at it……

you cannot eat nor drink nor sleep …

UNTIL it turns into a bird…..and soars off into the Heavens….and then …..”

“Well Gran…what if it turns into a flying turkey…???”

“Well THEN you will NOT need any answer…..

as when you look in the turkey’s face….

EVERYTHING will be revealed……………….”


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