Freedom…is it EVER attainable…..

April 23, 2011

I was pondering this…tonight….as I went and had dinner at my favorite Thai restaurant…and was SHOCKED to see my favorite server  Sean…there….as I thought he had left for Thailand………………………………….
about a month ago…..I had left him an envelope with cash in it…for his trip…(basically toward his airfare…which is so bloody expensive now)….he is going back to see his mother and sister…whom he has not seen like in 4 years…and is entering a monastery for 10 days so his mother WILL go to Heaven (an old Buddhist belief)….which REALLY touched me…as YOU know how I feel for mothers and woman………………………
when I left him the envelop I had printed a note on my gmail account (so he could read my writing as my handwriting is far from great)……to him with a picture of Forest Lodge…this blog’s picture…..telling him what serenity this picture of Forest Lodge brings me…it is like going home …as I have known it since I was born….and have gone home for 64 years………………………..
well he was upset that I left him …this money…and emailed me that he could NOT accept it…..I frankly do not know what his thinking was or is……I emailed back that if HE could not use this money to please give it to the monks…as it was merely meant as a gift toward a Spiritual Realization…and I could NOT take it back………………….
well tonight after I got over the shock of seeing  him….he said he leaves  Monday…and has his bags packed and is going into the monastery May 6th….and that he will give the monks the money………………………………………
Whoopi Goldberg said on the View (TV show) this week that Judas should really be given a pass…. that Christ forgave him…..that if there had not been a Judas …there would not have been a Christ as we believe to know him…..and some of the religions that exist today would not……………………….
I feel deeply that TRUE FREEDOM …only comes from a mind that can transcend  the physical….which is a challenge to most of us……………………
I felt guilty today (yes I should not have..it is the early conditioning of my life…)
but I felt guilty for TOTALLY LOVING MY LIFE….basically because I love being alone and NOT accountable to ANYONE……I went through 7 lovers…(longest 12 years…shortest time was 2)…basically because I was conditioned to believe that I needed someone ELSE to make me whole…..man what a waste of time…but a learning experience……………………..
like Judi Dench…maybe the right relationship will happen on a rainy day in Bournemouth……………………………………………..
the one person I loved the most and felt the closest to….(no sex involved)  is my dear friend Liz Nesser…(an aside she is Clark Gable’s sister in law…her sister Kay was Clark’s last wife)….with whom we owned “Elizabeth’s Staircase” for 8 years on Sunset Plaza…..it was the BEST relationship I have EVER had…she could read my mind and I hers…..it was EVERYTHING one could ever want….lots and lots of laughter…appreciation…travelling to Paris and London…staying in inexpensive hotels….dragging our bags here and there (this was before bags had rollers on them)….one late day after not getting into a hotel we wanted to in Mayfair (London)…..we finally found one…Liz jumped down on HER bed…well the headboard went flying out the window..which threw us into fits of laughter…………………………………………………………….
.she use to dry her hose on the shower rod…and was embarrassed that she had NOT gotten up before I found them as I was about to shower…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
the first night we went out we went to a wonderful “OlD” restaurant down in the basement…”Boulestin”…..where we dined for hours and hours….she was wearing a floor length mink  coat that belonged to Kaye…..well when we left the restaurant 3 hours later there was not a “black cab” to be found so we decided to take the bus………………………. …..her mink got totally drenched and gained like 30 pounds…when we did get the bus…no one was on it…and the driver looked at us and just shook his head….but guys it was totally worth it……………………………….
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one day after we had been up since 4 AM….hitting the Bermondsey Market…looking for small antiques….and many other markets in Camden Passage …… we were going home…..we were so tired that we got to a station where we had to change trains on the Tube…well we dragged our bags up…and got enveloped in afternoon  rush hour traffic……well we both got  confused…and I said Liz which of these exists is where our train goes out of …she said ..well I think it is this one…so we dragged our bags down…we plopped down on a bench…and both looked up to see the sign…realizing that we had come BACK to where we had started from …well we both broke into such laughter that she “wetted” herself….it was such a moment of extreme laughter that comes on from exhaustion ….soo touching…(I so LOVE you Liz!!!)…
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I have had another Brilliant Weekend…I saw two totally wonderful plays….”The God of Carnage”…I was in the second row….and felt I was in the living room of the 4 actors…it is like a “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf” play…but better…it basically says how our feeling and attitudes imprison us….in lashing out at others…it is REALLY us that we are hitting…………….
………
the second play was “The Cripple of Inishmaan”…an Irish play that is quite wonderful…performed at the Kirk Douglas Theatre in Culver City…a very intimate theatre…. the guy next to me had imbibed too much wine at dinner as he snored and kept resting his head on my shoulder…which bugged the hell out of me at the time…until his wife grabbed his balls and he awoke with a snort………………
…………..
the Cripple is about a a crippled boy…who is told time and again that due to his deformities … will NEVER be able to amount to anything….that he will NEVER be able to get a girl…… that he should just commit suicide as his parents did when he was born….which he contemplates ….but the play ends wonderfully happy and touching…………..
……………..
it just is another example of how our mind can…. destroy us…or turn us into a “Jesus” realization …of looking beyond the physical…toward the spiritual…………….
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and then today I saw the movie ..”Incendies” …..a Canadian film by Denis Villeneuve…from the play by Wajidi Mouawad… it TOTALLY blew me away………………………………
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………………
it is my Favorite Woman  film of the year ..so far..and YOU MUST see it!!!! I wept so deeply at the end….
..it is basically about a Christian woman who fell in love with a Muslim man…and the totally terrible stuff that happens to her….and the realization her twin adult children acquire on her death….that she could never have explained in life…………………
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human interpretation of “religion”…..narrow perspectives…..does  totally crucify the human race…always has…………..
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I try to  have the “Christ” view…as this woman did.. for those that can truly SEE…beyond the physical……………………
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being “crucified” is a human condition……which cannot put a  burning feather close to your soul……………..
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Love you!!
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Happy Passover!!!
Happy Easter!!
Happy Free Thoughts!!!
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Strive for Spiritual Peace…as it is right THERE within your grasp!!!!!
(and yes Liz it is Adele’s “Someone Like You”… I am listening to as I ponder…)

One Response to “Freedom…is it EVER attainable…..”

  1. ricci said

    Rob, another great outpouring of loving truth as Jane Paetzold Matteson is beaming in her own cherubic manner as she nudges the seraphs with her cane to get out of her way as she is coming through with her message of joy this Easter morning!

    Dreams of Forest Lodge…

    Mom & Dad waving to us from the Boathouse that

    “All is well”

    love to you,
    Rick

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