There is NO ONE like you!!!!

August 20, 2011

I just had dinner with one of the wisest people  I know….

This comes after  listening to an interview that Charlie Rose did with Jane Fonda who has just written “Prime Time”….in which she basically says that the BEST time in life is when you have passed the 60 year mark…as by then you have learned, acquired, or been given the tools to make you realize your FULL potential….and by then if you do NOT love yourself …well you NEVER will…………..
she said that when you are in your earlier part of Life …you are learning rejection, jealousy, the sorrows of death and desertion …..and at the same time intense happiness, sexuality…..and love….and its different interpretations…..

my friend with whom I had dinner…actually discovered these things MUCH earlier than Jane..as her parents…especially her mother raised her to be an individual ALWAYS!!…. and to love herself……

 Jane’s parents both suffered from depression…and Jane said that she was taught growing up back in those early years that a woman was meant only to be the accompaniment on a man’s arm….that woman’s lives back then were defined by a man……she said that none of her husbands (Roger Vadim, Tom Hayden, and Tom Turner) did she love in the way she would a man today….as she really did not love herself……and that though she “loves” them….they all had their own agendas….like Tom Hayden told her on her 50th birthday that he had another woman that meant more to him than Jane did……and Ted Turner…could and cannnot EVER be alone….(his father committed suicide early in his life…..)
she said something that rang so true with me…that men are formed at the age of 5 when they are kicked out of the nest and  sent off to school….whereas women are formed when they go through puberty….I guess she means having  their first period……
I DO know for me …that when I was sent off to school at the age of 5 it was something that TRULY influenced me…….in a negative way…..as I had no self worth…and consequently attracted the bullies..
I should preface this all by saying that fathers  back then felt it was GOOD or MANLY for a guy to compete against another man….there was none of the loving tenderness  that men today show toward their children….I think of my nephew in this regard ..toward his twin sons…..
…had I been raised as wonderfully as my friend was  …I would have known to kick them ALL in the balls……
and I remember when my sister had her first period…which I did not understand … she was crying….and I think I imagined blood…..she ran into our upstairs bathroom in the hall at 5020 Glenbrook.Road in DC ……. a vivid picture in my mind…which I might have created…will have to ask her..
Charlie Rose asked Jane …when is she  the happiest….
she sighed and smiled and said….”Charlie it is when I am totally ALONE….and hopefully on the top of a mountain…looking across and down on how beautiful the world is…”……
well I TOTALLY agree with her…..as like her,     years back thought I needed other people to make me HAPPY…content….I was soo wrong…….
my happiness is TOTALLY created by myself…..
whether I am alone with a good book…
or on a lake listening to an osprey call…
or with a good friend …sharing a meal…..
Jane also said that some people are “hard wired” with Negative energy from their past….like she was…but that it becomes  SOOO Easy to step out of that with the passage of time  ….to turn that energy Positive…as she was able to do with self acceptance..
I use to have an old friend who (now dead) …. was a FABULOUS  costume designer for many an actor and actress…he was a friend of Kathrine (sp?) Hepburn and did all of Julie Harris’s clothes……Noel Taylor….whom I met through my first lover back in the 70’s…I stayed in Noel’s apt on the West side of Manhattan…. for a week …for a reason that escapes me as I don’t know why Paul was not with us…and Noel and I had a brief fling…..will never forget his bathroom was all done in Brioni fabric…(the TOP named designer back then…think Alexander McQueen)……
Noel during the war was in the Coast Guards ..but he rode on horses  up and down the beaches of California to make sure the Japanese were not landing…..his mother was an artist who had many affairs with musicians…his house was in Connecticut ….on a pond…..and a mill….that was below the pond …..where the water exited…..his mother was dead at the time he showed me his house….he and his mother had handpainted the grand piano in the Living Room…which truly was quite wonderful….it was a magical place…..
I remember that Paul…wanted to buy the house from Noel….and Noel said…”Paul….you would go CRAZY here…as you are a city boy…..it is just not right for you or Rob…”
he was right…though I loved the property and the mystery of it all….
but Noel always asked me up almost til he died whenever he saw me…”Rob ARE you happy????” which  bugged  me and made me  think he never had been…  (sigh!!..so much talent…)
Paul was an actor who use to tap dance on huge balls on Broadway….he was never a lead…though he was gorgeous…he later was brought out here to Hollywood by MGM….to act in a TV series “My Little Margie”….in which he played Gale Storm (Margie’s) boyfriend……he of all my lovers DID love me the most…..and looking back across the sands of time…I realize he treated me the best….and I loved him the most of all of the 5 ….but like Jane….they were all BEFORE I learned to love myself……I was 23 when I met him and he was breathing on 40 something…..
we had the first and only kite shop in Beverly Hills…which was  across the street on Wilshire from what is now Neiman Marcus…we had an old English Austin Hearse…with those BIG old headlight that you see in movies  that Rolls had……which we painted bright yellow …and wrote on the sides “It’s Time To Fly A Kite”…the name of our shop….and drove to the beach (“Ginger Rogers”)…to sell kites out of….we had many a “star” customer…….Eddie Albert….Walter Matthau…Jack Lemon…wonderful Liz Montgomery….all wonderful people that no one would know today…….
and then we opened a store in the Galleria in Houston……
and well Paul loved his vodka abit too much….
one time when we were “flying” kites for some women’s charity organization…Paul dressed totally Gatsby like in white…and with a hat I wished I had today…was trying to teach these girl scouts…went sort of running down the hill…slipped and fell in the mud…..(and you NEVER run with a kite..something no one realizes..)
the next night we were at one of THE EVENTS in Houston where a crystal scupturer (from Orrefors I think)…was there displaying and selling his museum quality pieces…like an Andy Warhol….
well one of my Houston friends came out of the blackened room…and said “Rob you HAVE to take Paul out of here as he just was talking to Monsieur whats his name…was telling him of how he knew Judy Garland (which he did…they were close friends)…….and that he JUST bought. all of Monsieurs pieces…..”
I did…and that was the 3rd and last time I left him…will never forget when I pulled out of our condo …looking through the back window of my cab…at him as he cried at my leaving …..
he later died of alcoholism…..and was done in by a “friend”…..who was after his money….
yeah…it does take a few years until we truly learn….but I would NEVER change a moment I have ever had….as miserable as some of them were…for what  I have today……
We are all blessed …it is just up to us to use the tools we are given!!!!!

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