One Moment In Time

June 16, 2013

I spent a Wonderful Weekend in Palm Springs…a Totally Marvelous Barbecue Party on Friday of 40+….(in number and age) people given by the “Royals”..

man they worked their ass off….Divine setting at their Beautiful house..unbelievably Fabulous food…I LOVED their kale (?) salad

.it exhausts me just thinking of the work they must have gone through…they did have one hired help…a very nice gentleman….

I spent the weekend with my dear friend Ron and his gently blind terrier (?) Kaiser….it is amazing how animals…(and some of us humans) adapt to physical changes.in Life …I think many humans refuse to adapt…as they feel they are ENTITLED….and frankly scared…whereas animals have absolutely NO choice….actually humans do not have the choice either….and that is what makes life painful for those that have cared and loved them…..

the reason I say this …I was talking to Wonderfully warm Jeff…about how he has to go back to Michigan and deal with his mother who has Alzheimers and is in total denial about it….move her into a facility and do something with her house…that holds decades of memories

…..my friend Gil’s mother is in a facility in Oregon…he and his partner John are going up soon to see her…but as Gil said she really never recognizes him….which tears me apart….a mother NOT recognizing her son..is VERY painful for the son…..but that is the way Life is….

There was a Wonderful article in the New Yorker of May 20th….”The Sense Of An Ending”….about “Beatitudes” in Phoenix ….a retirement community…(average cost $85,000 a year)….and what touched me was the care and kindness that is instilled there due to the philosophy of the British Social Psychologist Thomas Kitwood…”died in the late nineteen-nineties. Kitwood trained for the priest-hood and worked as a chemistry teacher, in England and in Uganda before returning to Bradford , England, where he founded the Bradford Dementia Group, which promoted “person-centered” care….”

he wrote: “Dememtia Reconsidered”…which I have not finished yet but Highly recommend………he felt that “people with dementia, rather than being seen as debilitated, should be embraced for what they can teach the cognitively intact, Such people , he wrote, invite us to “return to aspects of our being that are much older in evolutionary terms: more in tune with the body and its functions, closer to the life of instinct.”

Kitwood argues that, in advanced Western societies, where a sense of community is often weak, the evident frailty of people with dementia generates fear; this unease is socially managed by turning the demented into non persons. who are warehoused in nursing homes and pathologized with terms like “Resisting Care”…he goes onto say the problem is OUR fear and anxieties that prevent us from granting these people their OWN personhood…………….

about 5 years ago…I realized I could not stand on one foot without losing my balance…so I fled to my doctor.. who sent me to have my brain scanned…and this is after a test of doing the drunk walk up and down the hospital’s corridor with a doctor and intern looking on..she was Japanese and kept sighing…”Oh Nooooo”…I did not know if I had failed the test or was not walking the way she wanted me to …
so I definitely said I Welcomed the Brain Scan…..

it was an MRI…..which they showed me…and I thought OH WOW …what happened to the rest of my brain…as it had shrunk…reds and whites….I thought I better resign myself to accepting the fact that I was going to get …Alzheimers….

when I went back and saw my GP…and told him I was getting Alzheimers….he merely said “Have you put your car keys in the Freezer and forgotten where you put them?” I said “No”..

He said “Well you DO NOT have Alzheimer’s” …which infuriated me…I guess I wanted him to tell me that I DID have it…

I have been doing tests on myself to see if I could remember things like 6 hours later.(which I have been able to)…..which logically makes no sense I know…for if I had Alzheimers there is no way I could remember that I was giving myself a test..

It was after attending a luncheon last Sunday with 300 people over the age of 80….a luncheon for the Anniversary of the Pasadena Playhouse …(their school closed in 1969..so go figure their ages)…..

after a VERY boring 3 hours with no drinks…I thought Robby…YOU are crazy…there is NOTHING wrong with you yet….you are many many Alaskan steps away from Alz….

.(sigh…live and learn…only took me 4 years)

Last night was one of those very spontaneous evenings that REALLY was one of the best evenings I have ever spent…..

Ron arranged for 6 of us to meet at Street Bar for cocktails…and then to go onto dinner a few blocks away to Ruben and Ozzy’s Oyster Bar & Grill…..

I guess you all know I LOVE finding out HOW people’s minds work….how their family influenced them…how close they were/are to them…I really should have gone into psychology….as I just totally LOVE it….it just is so natural for me…I love finding out how are waiters kids are…etc etc…

But last night ..

Larry

a man who has totally fascinated me…as he has a brain like no one else I know has….he is a natural at numbers…codes……has done very well financially…which to him seems natural and nothing to really talk about…..since it comes naturally…..if you observe him you can see through the glint in his eyes…his brain recalculating things….whether it is numbers or people…..

he told of when he was in the Army in the 70’s in Germany..working to decipher Russian codes (he’ll correct me as it was probably ALL codes from any country)…had to dress to fit in with the locals ….had to grow his hair long….went to Munchen to Oktoberfest….and after the beer hall went to enjoy the bumper cars…..where someone rammed into him…disabling him….and to this day…his spine gives him warnings of being careful…..

He has a Wonderful Husband….Ed…whose mother is arriving for like 9 days from Orlando………they are giving a party..in July…entitled “Take My Mother-in-law”…..and it is funny…Ed has on his iPhone…a count down clock to the second of when she will arrive….

and Larry on his iPhone…has a count down clock until the second her plane takes off from Palm Springs……

but last night at Ruben’s what was sooo sooo special…was the total experience….

Wonderful friends…Good Food…

but what made it special was this Very Attractive waitress….who well was TOO Wonderful …..she and Larry sparred over EVERYTHING from the size of his oysters which were Fanny Bay (?) I think…

so he said they are small(?) ..she said well no last night they were quite large…where upon Larry said well they must have been on steroids….she said no…they were just BIG…which led into a talk of sizes of different things…..and steroids….and the lack of enough pieces of garlic bread for our mussels…

what I admired about her was that she is a woman who IS secure with herself…loves and laughs at Life…..I SOOO want to go back and talk to her about her life…before she vanishes into the star dazzling night of tomorrow ..as.she will NOT be there long….

she has TOO much to offer to LIFE to be a waitress…

ohh one last thing about Ozzies help that touched me was that …the host at the restaurant who sat us…saw me getting up and heading to the bathroom…which had a line…he said “Sir Follow Me”…and he took me back through the kitchen…to use the Staff Bathroom with their lockers in it…which probably was cleaner at that hour than the normal bathrooms….he was Mexican…people I have ALWAYS loved for doing what no White person will do…(thinking of the palm frond cutters yesterday who climbed hundreds of feet above Ron’s swimming pool with no net …just a chain…around the tree..a machete…..and heavy cleets that he would hammer into the tree as he climbed into the clouds ….)

he also had a delicious sense of humor…I subtly tipped him as I left…he was like shocked….

Walking back to our cars …Larry said well..Robby THAT is what I call a Wonderful dinner….it is not what one spends…the number of stars a restaurant has…it is when friends go out and share good food…laugh and have such EXCELLENT service…….

I TOTALLY Agreed!!!

One Moment in Time!!!!

One Response to “One Moment In Time”

  1. Richard Steele said

    Dear Rob Thank you very much for the compliments, we had a great time with everyone as per usual. It is fun when everyone is having a good time. Glad you could make it. See you soon. Hugs R&R”The Royals”

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