I’ll Ring Up Tuckit

October 5, 2017

I have an Awful Feeling…that my Pop-Up Chez Panisse might be shut down soon…..


..as I was perusing the guest list and realized that Lord and Lady Parrish had not made an appearance…..as they Always add such Glamor and Sparkle to any event…


But I understood …as Tomorrow  they are going on their Autumnal  trip…and once again on the Seacloud  …..as they are chums of Miss Marjorie’s…they are taking this time their baby Lady Heather…with her nanny “Tuckit”….


They have their usual suite…with the Marble Fireplace, Fabulous 4 poster bed swathed in d’Porthault, marble bath etc etc


….and I gather have had to hire out  for Lady Heather  the adjoining “Lapidus” suite as Lord Lapidus can  not  go to Tahiti this time….as he has Designed  the Costumes for  a show at the Moulin in Paris


But  I Totally Understand that Lord and Lady Parrish must be resting as their upstairs staff…. must be racing  around trying to pack those Louis Vuitton Steamer Trunks customized just for them…as Lord P has more jewelry than Lady P


But as I was perusing the guest list…and all 23 of our tables were seated….


I heard this God awful screech of tires on the golf course pathway…. all of my guests at the same time took flight…to fly to safety on the pond….


I Just Gaped!!!


..as there were wine glasses thrown on the ground…tables knocked over….baguettes that had just  been freshly warmed…. all over the place…..


They had been on their second course…and Loving IT!!…as we only serve farm freshly grown Organic….just newly sourced….


What happened was …a Mauvely/Beige (the only colors allowed here)  golf cart had screeched to a halt in front of my house (and Pop up)…as I gather you are not allowed to serve Mallards in this association……


This “lady” in the no golf bags Golf cart …I really want to call  a diesel dyke with the diesel emanating from her SOS Brillo pad hair…her wire rimmed glasses on a  dim chain around her neck …


but scoozie  I  have to be PC….anyway she is the President of the Association…who obviously has Never Had Any “power” before she became “President” of the Association….at the retired age of 63 or whatever


She  patrols the premises of Association 9 (makes me think of a Gulag)…looking for an infringement….and gosh when she finds one….she pulls out her clipboard underneath her mauvely/beige seat…writing up the suspect…and NO she can not tap on your window…just likes the POWER of being PRESIDENT…so she can delegate this “misdemeanor” to the association’s  secretary…


Think she gets an orgasmic pleasure out of this power…as she Obviously must Not have a partner…oh R…Too Much!!…


But bet I’m right


Think a mauvely/beige dildo is the answer to allow my Mallards back




I have just started on a Biography of E M Forster…(1879-1970)…..Totally Gay…but not Ever able to come out….due to his mother…whom he did not want to Really upset…and also those times were Just Not what we have today…


He was 16 when Oscar Wilde was sent to prison (1895)…and died a year after the Stonewall Riots….


it was 1967 that the “Sexual Offenses Act” was passed in Parliament when he was 85….it applied Only to men living in England and Wales…


It allowed men “who desired” each other to have sex in a “house” as long as they were over 21 and not in the armed service or merchant navy….


(sigh)…Think I will ring up Tuckit…and see if Lord Lapidus’s butler’s room is available on the Seacloud…..

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