They Will Never Leave Me

November 1, 2017

Well my ducks are sorta happy…since the snow-bird lady across the pond….appeared recently….


she is not really a “snow bird” as she comes down often during the year…probably works for the prison system in San Bernadino….as she wears those Orange jump suits ….. has that kinda look that they have…(that I have Only seen in movies)…sort of that dykey easy haircut that so many women in the Midwest wear (sorry girls….but just Google “Diesel Dyke” and look in the mirror..)…


(nothing like looking through my Grand’s Opera Glasses….scoozie lady across the pond)


The ducks seem to squawk a bit more as she is Very parsimonious in dealing out feed….and they seem to glare at her and look across the pond longingly at me as Dorothy Yang did when I ignored her all those years ago at Carleton College  when she was on her  crutches…..trying to race  to me across the college quad,,,,


we had planned on  skiing at Telemark  and stayed at our family summer  house on Burgundy Point outside of  Cable Wisconsin…and this is like December


there were two houses on the property but only one winterized at that time…..1968 probably as my wonderful roommate at Carleton…..Tom Skinner (whom I had a crush on) and Sherry whom Tom and I both had a crush on…well we all went up and had to trudge through the snow covered icebound lake from a resort (only open in the summer)…. under a full moon as our driveway in from the County road was 1 mile long and never plowed in the winter….as no one lived there


The soft snow was knee-cap deep on the Frozen  lake…the Full Moon lit the way….


we climbed the hill with our knapsacks….ignited  the hot water heater…..cranked up the bottle gas  heat…lit the kerosene lamps (there was no electricity) and  large stone  fireplace…..and had a few drinks…before retiring as the next day we were to ski down  the trails at Telemark…one of the ONLY ski resorts in the Midwest at the time


It was Dorothy…who taught me the mysteries of sex….(all of this was a year before I realized I had Always been gay)


…she was the cleanest person (of both sexes)  I have ever been with…..and she taught me the pleasure of ….foreplay…as most of you men just want to cum and not prolong it…


But we went skiing the next day and well Dorothy in shooting downhill …fell, twisted, and broke her leg……


And OMG that drive back to college was 3-4 hours long  with her just screaming at us all in the front seat… we cranked up the radio……


Dorothy came from a Privileged family in Taiwan…think her father was second in command of the National Chinese Air Force….she was or is  still a Wonderful person


…but you know how certain people you meet in Your Life…and whom you date….. just do not work out because you are not on the same wave length…..


I have a Great appreciation and Love for Dorothy and often wonder what happened to her…I think she is an artist, married with many children and grandchildren…but then again maybe I dreamt all of that as I did last night of my MB mechanic …”Ziggy”…he was so soo wonderful…I treasure the REAL wooden screw driver he left in my car all those years ago…..


….. I Still feel I can reach out and touch him……with his grease smeared face   in his  overtired  overalls…..always slightly undone…….


It is Wonderful how some people Never Leave us….I think of dear Gil, Richard, and Jim…


They Will Never Leave Me


when you find someone Wonderful Never let them go….


I have been reading a biography of Maurice Bowra…..a Top Philosopher in the 20th century…he was gay (yes, I am focusing on Gay men from 1890 thru my birth in 1946…as it Means Alot to me…how we interacted way back then…)


but I do NOT plan to write a Gay novel as Alan Hollinghurst did in his novel “The Line of Beauty” which won the Booker Prize….as his novel to me is much more sexual than I think a hetero or homo sexual novel should  be…but Hey we are all different


Maurice had an interesting Life ….born and  raised in China …his Father was a top rank Englishman who worked for the Chinese Customs Office ..


Maurice’s father’s house staff consisted of 30 people so you can imagine


…the one thing he would NEVER talk about was his WWI (the Great War experiences)….the only thing I came across was how if you want to see and smell shit….dead  Germans bodies littering the trenches…


Go to War….


And You WILL Never forget it….and this is where PTSD started but was not Totally recognized…as back then “Men” had to ALWAYS have a Stiff upper lip and not complain…


just Do the Job……


Otherwise you were a “Sissy”… my father called us all at different  times on his canoe trips…500 mile/month long trips where we were flown into the Arctic Bush by private planes…and there was not a soul around except the Musk Ox…a beautiful beast that looks (if they are still around)…like a buffalo…with Magestic horns….(sigh)


…but I never knew it had a Gay connotation……until recently….


I have just watched two Wonderful movies about young boys during WWII …”Secrets of War” and “Boy in the Striped Pajamas”…..both on Netflix…


I am taken back to that Very innocent years of my youth…….


When I was …what 8 or 9???


I remember distinctly that I KNEW I could FLY….


I would run down Loughboro Road in NW DC….


Rotating my arms…..


And Took Off….(well in my mind)


2 Responses to “They Will Never Leave Me”

  1. Jay Gusick said

    I want a Netflix series to be made about your life! -Jay

  2. jan said

    Rob, just stopping by to say hello and hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving (and were not toooo bothered by your motley bird crew) jan

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