Hang Your Toilet Paper Correctly

July 22, 2018

Well 11 ducks flew into to dine at The Duckery…but Gosh one single thing will set them to flying off…. a window slamming…a sudden noise……which I understand what with the coyotes and Hawks that are so abundant at this time of year….

 

But they still assemble at what was the pond,… and parade single file across the football pitch……it is a very Heartwarming feeling….as once they have eaten or are spooked they fly Immediately  South to the nearest pond…

 

Growing up on Glenbrook Road in DC…..Elizabeth Burke was a friend I saw almost daily….I can’t say I  Ever had a crush on her tho she was extremely attractive….

 

We just did not connect ( and this was NOT because I was latently gay)…as frankly I have ALWAYS preferred women to men…except sexually

 

But Elizabeth (and this was the period (like the 50’s) BEfore nicknames were in  Vogue….as she was Never a Liz)) was just TOO “socially” correct…a product of her wonderful mother

 

She had an older brother Jack…who was drop dead Gorgeous….football player etc etc….chiseled face…blue eyed…blonde hair…..and Tall…and was a year or two ahead of me at St Albans..so we NEVER communicated as ..well one Never did with kids younger than you….

 

Elizabeth also had a younger sister Aggie…well Agnes but we were actually allowed to call her Aggie….she was not as  Societally Elitely put together as Elizabeth was …looking back I could have Really related to her….more than I ever did with her sister…..(Elizabeth is probably a Trumper…nothing wrong with that….just different than me)

 

There was one day that I will never forget…and this is back when we were like 8 or 10….Elizabeth use to take her doll out for a stroll in her fancy  Regal baby carriage…would go up Glenbrook to Laughboro…and stroll several blocks…and this was back in the Wonderful days when kids could go out and play and run around  for hours ..as long as  sunlight  existed …… without any fear of a  pedo or whatever lurking in a parked car….

 

Well this one day…I went up to Laughboro…another way…and lept out of the bushes and Scared Elizabeth to where she turned the Royal  dolly carriage around and flew home crying….to go in and complain to her mother…..

Her mother (another Agnes)…was this Wonderful extremely skinny but TALL ..attractive woman….

 

(an aside)…Mrs Burke (one NEVER called women..who were  your parents age by their first name)….was frankly Quite Elegant….she reminded me of the Duchess of Windsor…… taught  me how to “Twist” a  dance popular way back then….

 

She said “Now Robby…you pretend you are putting out your cigarette…(and Man did she and her husband smoke…they had AC (which of course we did NOT…and back then when you had central AC well it just distributed the smell of cigs all over the house)

…anyway she was saying you are putting your cigarette out  with the toe of your shoe while you are pretending you are drying your back side off with a towel….

 

And Gosh it Works….

 

Anyway this one day I scared poor Elizabeth out of her wits and almost caused a near disaster with her dolly….I fled back to my room…in the attic of 5020 Glenbrook…only to have Mrs Burke burst through our front door and racing beyond our wonderful Norwegian Nannie Lisa…. raced up the stairs ….and  broke down my bedroom door to confront me and scold me Profusely for upsetting poor Elizabeth…

 

Years passed…I had Left for college…Elizabeth got married in the National Cathedral….a Very moving ceremony….as that Cathedral is so Majestic….

 

She had many a bridesmaid…long flowing train as she walked up on the arm of her father Jack…it brought me to tears…the ceremony….and the organ playing with its trumpets…..

 

The reception was held at the Chevy Chase Country Club….

 

I was dancing with Elizabeth…when Mrs Burke flew out of Nowhere…and pulled me aside…saying “Robby ONE does NOT wear WHITE  pants to a bridal reception!!!…..

 

Elizabeth and Andy divorced …he got upset because she Did NOT know how to hang a roll of toilet paper….(and for you that don’t know…the paper comes back under the roll)…..

 

(sigh!!!)……

One Response to “Hang Your Toilet Paper Correctly”

  1. Jan said

    …..but it was rumoured that Andy did NOT squeeze the tooth-paste tube in the proscribed manner, so i hope she filed a cross-complaint!

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