Now my Great Aunt Augusta lived in Lookoutnow in Northern  Pennsylvania…she was Great Aunt Claire’s sister the one with  her bedazzlements…the former Circus performer……..

 

Augusta was reputed to be one of the Most Beautiful Women Alive..she had cascading blonde hair…that fell just below her buxom “attachments” as she called them…she could NOT wear an ordinary bra you bought at Penny’s…as when fitted with them she burst out of them…so had to get Larry a dear friend and  the local cobbler to fit her..which he delightfully did….and create one with his knowledge of figures…..

 

well I with my..height challenged size …with my usual unfiltered  Lucky Strike hanging precariously from my lizard lips…decided to visit Great Aunt Augusta….taking   the Wathoutnow Railroad..owned by the richest family in Wathcoutnow County …the Riches…Hardly and Waitaminute Riche…they owned the faux Italian villa ontop of Watchoutnow Mountain…built by Hardly’s  father…Nouveau for his wife Justaminute….

 

I decided to make it a family affair and take Laideee with her always lip  dangling chicken bits…Great Aunt Claire with her dazzlements and our dear friend…Koddee the bear…who loved a good train ride North in the summer as long as the window was open next to his seat…

 

Uncle Desperate was not to be found…must have tied one to many on and was probably in the bushes outside  Granny Toad’s rusting bus…

 

I had asked Granny if she had wanted to visit her sister with Claire and she said “No MOE bananas…NO MOE BANANAS!!” which I did not quite understand it almost made my unfiltered cig fall from my lizard lips…it was always a quandary to understand what she meant…what with such a limited English  vocabulary …her first language being Noletan

 

It took forever to assemble them…I had to lie about the time the train left as otherwise we would have Never made it….

 

The stationmaster..Ticktock greeted us with a stern smile and said to Mind The Gap….which I don’t think Koddee understood….

 

we all trundled aboard…Great Aunt Claire spread out a Bountiful lunch…Watercress sandwiches on gluten free bread…smoked fish from the Watchoutnow River…and Deviled eggs that her  Hairdressing Friend Robertoe (he always loved a good pedicure) made….. which were the highlight of the meal….

when we got to Great Aunt Augusta’s house…we were greeted at the door by her butler Ego…who always seemed to have a snicker in his smile…like he might have smelled something bad….and disapproved of us…

 

Ego led us into this palatial house to the Greeting and Goodbye Room  that would have made Nouveau and Justaminute Riche…so jealous…I mean the Living Room was the size of Madison Square Garden but done in a palatial way…two soaring stories to a ceiling that Michelangelo would have coveted….

 

Aunt Augusta was kind of frugal tho..she had only decorated this room with fold up chairs and tables…our partially  sparse bedrooms were furnished with futons….

 

(Oh Watchoutnow fans..more is to come…Ego trying to make love to Augusta’s maid Hildie…a kiss that missed and he fell against a nail on the boathouse’s wall on the Lookoutnow Lake and developed Kardashian  lips….and the strange man who had to wear a phantom of the opera’s mask as he was hideously disfigured by the Nouveau Riches German relatives…long ago …but thanks to Larry The Cobbler was saved from taking a “shower” in what was supposed to be a vacation retreat with his long ago family….)

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